A Stressful Mess

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It's Fridayyyy!!!

Aww yeh. I have been looking forward to it all week long since it has gone by in a flash. Why can't every week be that way? Well it would have been perfect had we not gotten the news on Tuesday night that rocked our world.

J was told he will be going to the board on Monday. Holy shitballs.

For those of you who don't understand the magnitude of this because you don't speak military [I wish I didn't] the board is where you get promoted. It is serious shit. And for the Army it's one big dog and pony show.

Unlike the Air Force or basically any sane system setup, you do not just take a test based on your job or anything like that to see if you are qualified to move up. For Army soldiers, you must put on your dress blues and appear in front of sergeant majors [all the really big scary people] and answer various questions about the entire Army system. It doesn't matter if it doesn't pertain to you, you must know the history and everything and anything about the branch. You must stand still, speak a certain way, and your attire must be perfect. If one little thing is 1/4 of an inch off, if something is crooked, if you're boots aren't spotless- your ass will get kicked out before you even have the chance to speak.

Oh and guess what. Usually soldiers have weeks to months to prepare for this. J has five days. FIVE DAYS! And cue the panic attacks. You should see the study guide. I feel so bad for him. It's so stressful I was getting overwhelmed by it. J came home last night and made me do flashcards to help him. He said he won't play WOW until next week. E-gasp. He made me put away my cupcake and my vodka. Shit just got serious.

While I was doing the endless amount of flashcards that legit took about 5 hours to complete [and I still haven't even made a dent in the study guide] I just felt worse and worse knowing there is nothing more I can do to help while he was typing away what he has to memorize and say before anything starts. It's really long too. We practiced it all night until he got it down.

Yeah, he has to say all that word for word. The poor guy. I've never seen him freak out in the 7 years we've been together. He was losing his shit. At one point I had to force him to take a break. He was causing so much tension I had to give him a massage to release his stress. And don't you start gettin dirty on meh! Nothing like that, I just had to rub the shit out of his back and entire left side that got tore up from the obstacle course they had to do Wednesday morning. You naughty things, you. I like that.

Not to mention the most important paper I have come across since starting college is due next week. It's the biggest one I've written so far and J doesn't want me doing anything else but help him. My turn to freak out. 

So needless to say we will not be partaking in any shenanigans this weekend. We'll probably only leave the house to get a lawn mower cause our front yard has gotten gnarly. 

I'm gonna need a stiff drink and I can't even friggin have one!

But I will partake in shaking my ass for the time being 
thanks to Miss Whitney

Just Because...I'm Not the Popular Kid

Blogging has changed me into a different person. I went from being a normal human being doing daily things to instantly waking up and reading blogs to catch up on everyone's life. I feel like I'm missing something if I don't check daily. Stalker much? We all are.

And then I feel like a failure if I forget to blog one day. Like I'm not keeping up with the Jones' or something. At first I was naive and innocent. I didn't know what I was getting myself into [I still don't, actually] and I told myself that I was blogging for me. It was to be like an online diary and scrapbook of my life since I moved away from everyone I knew and loved and there was so much going on.

Then I stumbled upon the blogging community. Not realizing there was a whole other cyber world out there that thousands of people were apart of. I instantly wanted in. It became high school all over again. Except in high school I honestly didn't give a shit what other people thought. I knew almost the entire school from being super awesome and being the editor of the yearbook but I was only close with certain people. Sure it felt nice when people said hi [and I honestly had no idea who the hell they were] but it wasn't a big deal to me.

For some reason that has all changed. Even though I'm an adult I crave the attention even more for some reason and I yearn to be apart of things. I have never met any of these people in person and I probably never will, yet I get incredibly sad when I feel like I'm out of the loop.

I've been blogging for a couple of months now and I gotta say, I get blogger envy. At first it was simply "wow, their design and layout is so much prettier than mine". And now it's "aww, they've been blogging shorter than I have and they have more followers". Yes, I will admit that I want followers. Not to be crazy popular or anything, I will never reach Whitney or Kaitlyn status, but to be apart of something bigger.

I love making new friends and that has actually become more important to me than blogging itself. It also fills a void I have by not having many IRL friends due to me moving across the country. It is so hard to make friends as an adult[especially as a female adult] and my husband doesn't understand that the ladies I meet through blogging are more than just some random stranger I read about.

I blog my heart out sometimes and it's not to be liked, it's to feel like maybe someone else out there understands me. That someone might be going through what I am and we're not so alone after all. To get feedback on something you may be unsure of, to hear other people's opinions, to feel supported. The blogging world is amazing like that, and I want in.

So yes, I get jealous. What are other bloggers doing that I'm not doing? Do I need to get more involved in something? If so, what?

When I see someone has doubled their followers in like 2 weeks I think "How am I still at the bottom of the barrel?" "How come I'm not cool like that?" "Do people not like me?" My mind goes to bad places. Even now I think that no one is reading this and this entire post was a complete waste of time. Maybe I should stop. If no one cares then what's the point. I know that sounds dramatic, but if no one cares what I have to say and I care deeply on what others have to say, where do I go from here?

Looking for advice from anyone out there willing to stop by and actually give me some. I'm currently going through a blog face lift. I'm getting the lovely Lisette to revamp my blog so I can have a legit design and an actual button to start promoting myself. Hopefully that'll work.

Thanks for listening, whoever you are.

I will leave you with a picture of a cute sleeping kitten. 
This is the only time she's cute. She's honestly a real beyotch

My High School Jam

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Day 29- 5 songs that speak to you or bring back memories

Yeah I'm not gonna lie- I really don't want to do all 5. Lazy? Sort of. Coming up blank? You betcha. When I actually have to think of things, and on the spot no less, I can never come up with anything. So lame. BUT! One totally sticks out and makes me kind of sad that I can't have those days back.

Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake

I was 15 when this song came out [sophmore year] and honestly I friggin hated it. It annoyed the ever living shit out of me and everyone was singing it all. the. time. For my best friend's birthday in October we went to Disneyland and she made it her mission to make the entire day about getting me to like that song.

I distinctly remember exactly what we wore and what other people wore. Why? Because it was Gay Day and everyone was wearing red. And since it was a school day [score] the park was not completely packed like it always is. We were running around like we just escaped prison. We made that park our bitch.

By about 10 that song was starting to grow on me. We reached the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and there was no one in line so we decided to go up and down every single chain rope instead of cutting right through. Those little wall areas when you start to get to the entrance and they kind of curve, well, that was now apparently my stage. I knew I officially liked the song when I spread my arms along the wall seductively singing along with Drue making asses out of ourselves. We sang it that entire day and even managed to piss off her mother on the way home by singing it way too much.

Later that month was our Homecoming dance and for once all of our friends attended. We were complete dorks and odd balls so we weren't the kind of teens to attend dances and what not. About 20 of us of all grades were grinding and gettin down black girl style in the gym when Sexy Back came on. As if on cue we all looked at each other and got excited. We knew we had to sing it. And sing it we did. Great night. Tons of pictures I'll never see again from a dance I don't fully remember for reasons unknown *cough, cough* because we were minors.

Fuck I miss high school.

Weekend Relaxation


I got so used to the weekend being awesome I almost thought it was a forever thing. Silly me. I am super-omega- fucking tired and literally had to force myself to get out of bed this morning. Ever have that mini- panic attack when you wake up and you know you're late? Yeah, not cool when you're already a zombie and your neck is as stiff as a board. I'm suppose to get up at 7 and when I looked at my phone is was 7:12. In morning time that means you're fucked. Because somehow those trivial little 12 minutes become extremely crucial when trying to get ready for work and making your way through morning traffic. Sigh.

Now for the moment in remembering lazy days and wishing they didn't end. Double sigh.

There was no way in hell I was going to the gym that day. I had a half day and J had the entire day off and I was not about to waste it running [or trying] on a treadmill. We headed over to our friend's house for chill time and drinking [aka guys play xbox and girls chit-chat] but I got so completely wrapped up in Kayla's new puppy I only managed to get pictures of her. She is so freaking adorable and did not stop following me around! She's only 5 weeks old so she's sooooo tiny! This only makes me want a dog more! Seriously- I legit had to stop myself from stealing her and taking her home with me.

J woke me up at the ass crack of dawn- well 10 but on a Saturday it might as well be 6- to take me to the local cupcake shop since he knows they are my kryptonite. Love him. Oh it didn't stop there. He then took me to my fav Mexican fast food place [which we never go to because he's cheap] and Walgreens to get me tons of goodies. For a second I almost thought he did something wrong and was trying to butter me up before telling me. Is that bad that's where my mind goes straight to when I'm getting pampered? Trust me- I've been through a lot with that boy and it honestly wouldn't surprise me.

We got all lovey-dovey and stuff the whole afternoon and I loved it. Later we got ready for a shin-dig with one of his Lieutenants and I was not prepared for what was about to happen. I got all cute though.

I was actually having a pretty day and wanted J to document it so I could finally have a nice blog picture but he was way too anxious to get to the party. I tell ya when that boy knows there will be alcohol present that is all he can think about until said alcohol is in his stomach.

Turns out his lieutenant's friend from college was getting married the following weekend so this was like his bachelor party. Well, part of it. The celebrating at least. There must have been 20 college-looking guys in flip flops and swim trunks already pretty stupid drunk by the time we showed up. This only made J more anxious. He fit right in. Of coarse since he was drinking I was not, which was only more fun for me because I got to watch the madness ensue.

There was literally nothing but alcohol EVERYWHERE. I had to leave to get something to drink! When I came back they had brought out "the ski" which is an actual ski with 4 holes in it for shots. This was going to be dangerous. This is also the only picture I managed to take. Blogger fail.

J's first attempt at vodka/redbull shots

We got home around 2 and somehow didn't pass out right away. We played with Milo and something hilarious happened. I guess when J did his first ski shot he got vodka all over his shirt. Well Milo apparently smelled this and liked it. He started licking J's shirt and then grabbed it and wouldn't let go. Watching him tug on it was the funniest shit ever.

Yummy vodka!

Not much to report. This is the lazy day where I do all the house chores from the week. We finally got around to going through the spare rooms and getting stuff together. We organized all the furniture and started to go through boxes. Little by friggin little that house is coming together.

Memorial Day! I was one of the lucky ones to have my soldier home with me. Majority of my wife-friends weren't so lucky so I spent the morning and afternoon with a couple of ladies whose husbands are deployed. Hello daytime drinking! I made J capture my outfit and he's such a punk he only managed to get 2 good shots. The other 30 were of me doing stupid things. Impatient little punk. Grr.

I came home to a half-naked husband who was too lazy to get up and turn the air on that he just started stripping on the couch. Jealous ladies? Yeah, I'm one lucky chick. We went out and shopped a couple places and tried to see a movie. Forgetting what a small town we live in we quickly realized the movie was not going to happen so we went to Coldstone instead. It was my first time there and I didn't even take a picture of my deliciousness. Oh well. Having ice cream outside on such a pretty day was the perfect way to spend the end of the weekend. 

How was your weekend?

Soldiers I'm Thankful For

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This Memorial Day some people are drinking by the pool.
Some are at bbq's hanging out with friends.
Some are at the beach, the lake, the mountains.
Others are in Afghanistan.
Fighting for your right to do those things.

Most people forget why we have this day.
To honor those past and present who serve this great nation
and fight for our freedom.

This year I'm one of the lucky ones, for my soldier is home with me.
Others are not so lucky.
And for those men and women who are overseas, and for the men and women here waiting for them,
I hope you come home safely to us.

J when he graduated Basic Training 3 years ago

//My husband serving in the Army
//My best friend serving in the Navy
//J's best friend serving in the Air Force
//Countless military friends in all branches
//My grandpa who served in the Navy
//The thousands of soldiers I will never meet

Thank you for your service.

Happy Memorial Day.

Still Love Me?

Day 24- Your top 3 worst traits

Oh em gee you mean bloggers don't have perfect lives and personalities? Madness!

I love reading about real people. People who are funny, weird, dorky, crazy, because I'm like that. I bet if you met a bunch of your favorites bloggers IRL they'd be a tad more eccentric than you perceive them, but that's totally awesome!

I have some pretty rad qualities if I do say so myself [otherwise I wouldn't have any friends] but there's also that side of me that kinda sucks. Not majorly, but they're still there.

Yeahhhhhh this one is the main thing about me people have to get used to. I like to use the excuse I'm a Leo and it comes with the territory. J calls bullshit on that. I'm a natural leader so I like to take charge and do everything my way, cause my ideas are the best duh. I don't do compromise very well and I usually stop at nothing to get what I want. I will have a dog, damnit!

I need everything to happen right. just. now. When I say take out the trash- that means within the next 5 minutes. Waiting for J to get off his damn computer while I'm sitting there ready to go out wherever we had planned drives me absolutely banana sandwich. This is also why I give up on the gym several times when I don't see results fast enough. 

I suffer from serious anxiety and panic attacks[I take meds for it, don't worry] and I always jump to the worst scenario possible. Yes, I do sometimes get butthurt easily which in turn drives J crazy. Just don't say the wrong thing and we're cool! It's usually only him that does this.

I will leave you with 2 things:

This picture of my friend's adorable 5 week old Pitbull...

And a reason to shake your ass this weekend!

Cause this bitch still rocks my world

Happy Friday!

Presentations Suck

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If I ever become a teacher [and I hope I do] the kids will friggin adore me because I will allow them to go through my class without ever having to do presentations. Fuck presentations. What's funny is I actually really like them. I am awesome at designing them, gathering the right info, and I knock them out of the park when I present. And to be honest most of the time I straight up pull it right out of my ass cause I got it like that.

I had a presentation due last night that I had known about for an entire week due at 6pm. I started that shit at 4:15. It was just about work experience and all that jazz so it was fairly easy and I'm big on procrastination [when it comes to assignments]

What I actually don't like are the stupid people that give the presentations. If I were a teacher I legit could not sit through them without getting bored/frustrated/annoyed/etc. You know what I'm talking about. There are certain types of people who give presentations and most of them suck.

The Smooth Talker
This person clearly has their shit together, whether they actually know what they're talking about or not. Their presentations are interesting with the right amount of text and images, not too short or too long.
I fall under this category.

The Story Teller
This person does not stop talking. They will turn a 5-10 minute limit into 20+ with all of their added stories and random trailing off topic nonsense. No one cares about your life, just tell us what we need to know and be done with it.

The Slowpoke
Jesus Christ can this person talk any slower. They drag on because they either simply can not think of something to say or just lack normal speaking skills to get their words out. It gets you incredibly frustrated because you read what's on the slide before they finished their first sentence. Hurry up!

The Crammer
They put every. single. piece. of information on their slides. You're only suppose to have a few bullet points with key words and phrases yet they manage to fit entire paragraphs onto every slide. What's the point of you presenting if I just read everything myself?

The Robot Reader
I don't know if this person is unprepared or doesn't really care but they do not look away from the screen. They speak in monotone while staring at their own presentation never to face the audience or engage. They read all of their information- which we can do ourselves- word for word and never add anything extra onto it.

The Note Keeper
Usually over-achievers and possibly quite shy, they come prepared with a shit ton of index cards or a full piece of paper. Like the the robot reader, they never look at the audience and read straight from their notes. Sometimes they even use them as a shield to hide their face while they are reading. You can almost never hear what they are saying.

The Graphic Overloader
This person uses every gadget to 'spice up' their presentation. Sounds, fonts, whooshing words and spinning sentences- overkill. They spend half their time pressing a button to get all their key points on the screen and it gets old fast. They soon realize it was more fun when creating the presentation than during the actual slide show.

The Quick Ninja
Blink and you missed it. This person talks so fast you never understood what they said or even had a chance to figure out what their presentation was about. Either they're nervous or just plain don't wanna do it, they get it over quick and never meet time limit requirements. The teacher/professor usually has to have the 'question segment' to get them to speak more.

Did I leave anyone out?

Last night was the worst ever. I didn't even get to present! All these people were getting on my last nerve that I didn't even know what to do with myself. What's worse is I a had a double-whammy presenter. They were a slowpoke and a story teller, and I just wanted someone to pull the curtain on this bitch. Our time limit was 5 minutes due to how many people are in the class and she went for 20. Shoot. Me.

Not a Happy Camper

Day 22- Rant about something.

I honestly didn't think I would have anything to write about for this topic. I looked ahead a couple of days ago and was like nah, I don't have too much to complain about right now. Plus I've already been serious too many times this month. But as luck would have it life came in and said "oh you're having a good day? let's change that."

My weekend sucked. It was filled with 2 good days followed by 2 shitty days and I should have seen it coming. Because this would happen to us. At this point in time.

I'll start with Saturday first- my hair is growing out making it kind of icky. You know that point where your layers are no longer there, you need a trim and your bangs are getting wicked long? I passed that point like a month ago. I hopped on the straight bangs thing for awhile but my hairline really pisses me off so once they started getting past my eyes I knew I had to go back to side swept bangs. Now hairstylists know the difference between styles and shit- it's their fucking job to know that. Sooooo you'd think it would've been a fast and easy trip to the salon. Nope.

J and I went to the mall for several reasons so while he was looking at new running shoes I was gonna get my hair fixed right quick. I wasn't too worried about my layers since my hair is long anyway, just my friggin bangs that keep getting in the way. I told her I wanted that edgy choppy type bang where it's not stiff and falls down your face right into your hair. She says no prob-lamo. Cool. Then she proceeds to grab my bangs without taking out my hair [which was in a ponytail]. I knew this was a bad start.

So I took my hair out myself and waited for her to get her shit together. She didn't. She chopped off most of my bangs in one fell swoop. Uhhhhhhh excuse me bitch- what do you think you are doing? I wanted them fixed not super short. She gave me pixie bangs. I did not ask for those otherwise I would have said I want pixie bangs. The damage was done. Great. And she didn't fix them at all. I wanted my bangs to flow into the rest of my hair [how they should be] but instead I have this short piece-y nonsense that doesn't belong on my head. Seriously- it looks like I have 2 different hairstyles going on. She did not get tipped.

The weekend had progressively been getting hotter and hotter. By Sunday it was full blown devil's-asshole- hot so we turned on the air. By the afternoon we were starting to sweat. Nothing was happening. We checked the thermostat and it said it was 88 friggin degrees in the house! What the fuck, dude. We tried everything and finally called the company.

Apparently we were all out of coolant [which makes the air cold] because we had a leak. It took them 3 hours to tell us they couldn't find it. Awesome. Another day of heat. They come back Monday, find it [thank god] and fix it. They say in a couple of hours the temperature should drop significantly in the house and if anything happens to call them. Cool.

It drops to 79 and we think we're in the clear. I wake up only to have the house hotter than it is outside, and it was raining! So I turn the air on for J when he comes home for lunch. My day goes on, I go to the gym and get awesomely sweaty and looking forward to a nice cold house. I pull up and see the a/c van in front of the house. Uhhh why are you here.

All the coolant is already gone. God. Damnit. J is on the couch looking completely miserable and slightly pissed off. I proceed to make dinner while they try and fix it only to watch several more random men start to enter my house. Thanks for knocking, bro. They come downstairs with the I-have-bad-news face. Good news- they found the cause of the problem. Bad news- some asshole was really careless and stupid while building the house and busted a pipe in the bathroom. Worse news- they have to tear apart the bathroom and possibly pull the tub out to fix it.

This house experience could not get any worse. After everything we've been through I am so over this damn house and we haven't even lived in it for 2 months. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong since building began and I will never go through this shit again. Someone is going to pay for this and when we find that someone out they are getting sued hard core. Bastards.

End rant.

Posts of Thoughts Past

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Day 21- a list of links to your favorite posts in your archives

I don't have a crazy amount of these since I haven't been blogging very long. It's cool though. There has to be some that I like enough to include in this little post here. It will be short and sweet, just like I like it.

Normal Randomness

Polish a Turd, it's still a Turd- my rant about kitchen appliances

Snap, Crackle, Pop- military hospital service

How my Husband got me to Meet the Neighbors- a mess next door

A Well Deserved Rant- a hilariously bad day

That One Time I was Caught with my Pants Down- an embarrassing story

A Tad on the Serious Story Side

Ch-ch-changes- a turning point in life

Moving On- our first place together

I Miss that Punk- married life

Just Because...I Eat like Shit Sometimes- our bodies

Get your Butt off the Couch- be active

Skinny Doesn't Mean Happy- my insecurities

Bare Faced- skin dilemmas

Hmm, how bout that. I actually ended up liking a fair amount of stuff to share. You don't have to read all of them, it's just me being cocky.

Weekend Shenanigan-less

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Hey peeps, sup.
Was it just me or do weekends lately kinda suck. Just me? Yeah, I thought so. This weekend didn't entirely suck, but it wasn't super fantastical either. I had a 3-day weekend since Bosslady went to St. Louis so you'd think it'd be more awesome than usual. Maybe I'm just sucking at life right now. I should really get my shit together. It's just wayyyy easier to be a lazy ass.

It's been so fucking hot lately I'm practically naked most days. Not really, but lets face it- short shorts and a tank top- might as well be. So Little Dino has been either t-shirt and diaper or just plain diaper. I think he secretly likes it. Fun times outside with chalk! It's technically edible since it's made with veggies and shit, but I still tried to get him to play with it and not just shove it straight into his mouth. Success= sort of.

He quickly decided he wanted dirt so we headed inside before we completely melted. Soon after I was born free and we all know what that means....

Cupcake time!!! With girly beverages. Why would you do it any other way? Those bastards really know how to tempt me because I had only planned on one but how could I say no to 2 heaps of deliciousness? Strawberry cheesecake and red velvet cupcakes? Heaven in my mouth.

I may have slept in until lunch. Sue me, it was worth it. Especially with what was about to happen later on that night. We finally have a tv but no cable [grr] so I caught up on Big Bang Theory and Vampire Diaries finales. Crazy shit, yo. Just in time for J to call asking if I was ready. Ummmm no, but I could be ready. Apparently a woman he knew from work was celebrating getting out of the Army, I mean who wouldn't. If I woulda known I totally would've thrown that bitch a massive blowout, but I digress. I love any excuse to look cute because lets get real here, I don't try anymore. I watch a 10 month old everyday, I'm not sacrificing a good blouse to spit up and sticky hands. And now that it's summer I can bust out my heels again. I miss them so much and I'm fairly positive they miss me more.

I stupidly forgot to take a pic of the back which is the prettiest part of the shirt. Oops
I don't really like the middle pic, I just like the way my eyelashes look

So I got absolutely no pictures of that night for 3 reasons: one- most soldiers don't want their picture taken, two- you're not really suppose to take pics of soldiers drinking and three- when you're having fun you usually forget to document. I was the designated driver so I watched all these crazy people get crazy stupid crazy quick. They started off with King's Cup which if you don't know, you really shouldn't start off with that game, especially if you've never played. Which is awesome for me because it makes everything that much more fun. You really need to be on your toes in this game and most of the privates [yeah, fresh meat status] weren't the brightest crayolas in the box. 

J is the master at drinking anything, so I knew he would triumph. What I didn't know was all these douchebags were going to try and challenge him. Ha. Good luck. That was an interesting sight. One of the sergeants [who everyone was scared of-big muscle man with authority] made me slap-bet commissioner and the head of all the games. Score. Such a fun night. Most people couldn't hack it, some threw up, and lots were little bitches. Good Friday.

J woke up with no hangover, sweet. We got ready for the mall and errands. We seriously needed curtains for our other ginormous window so that was the main priority, and I wanted more yoga pants for the gym. 
I tried to get all angles of this shirt because it is sooooo cute

Cannot believe I walked away from the mall empty handed! That's never happened to me! And what's worse is I went into the store I always go to to get the yoga pants- all of that shit was gone. They were having a massive sale and there's nothing worse than seeing clothes you paid full price for and now seeing them in clearance. Such a frustrating day. Got my ring cleaned though :) It seriously needed it.

Holy shitballs it was so hot we were dying. We couldn't figure out why the air was on yet it was 88 friggin degrees in the house! We tried everything and finally called the company. They wanted to charge us 50 bucks to look at everything but we were sooo not having that. They were there for 3 hours and told us we had absolutely no coolant because there was a leak but they couldn't find it. Ugh. And worse- the leak might be in the wall which means they'd have to tear apart the house! Fuuuuuuuck. House isn't even 2 months old. This would happen. Then we found ants in our living room. Sunday sucked. But these popped up out of no where...

Linking up with Sami for Weekend Shenanigans!

Sunday Social

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Happy Sunday!
The day for lounging around in pjs and doing all that laundry that's been piling up

Annnnnnnd- Sunday Social time!

1. What is your favorite kind of surprise?
As long as it's a surprise I love them! I put a lot of effort in gifts/surprises.etc for other people so when someone actually does something for me I get really excited and feel loved

2. Flowers or chocolate?
As in romantically? Because I get neither, my husband sucks royally in that aspect. I'll say flowers considering I've never friggin gotten them!

3. What is your favorite summertime activity?
Drinking on the patio, or anywhere really, water-related activities and reading books in the shade

4. Do you have any vacation plans this summer?
Hopefully we can go to California for my birthday. I miss the beach sooooo bad....and so does my skin

5. Favorite summer holiday?
Well there's really only one and obviously that would be 4th of July, which is always fun. But my birthday is in August so that makes it number one for me! And now our anniversary is also in August so fun times in summer, woo!

6. Dream vacation?
Lots of dreams to be had. Right now I really wanna go to Disneyworld! And a Disney cruise :)

Bare Faced

Day 17- A favorite photo of yourself and why

I know its technically two pictures, but I will explain: this photo was actually really hard for me to share. I contemplated posting it for the past two days and decided to go for it. Rather than post some random photo where I am doing something silly, stupid, or just plain wrong, I chose this one. I was going through all the pictures on my laptop [which isn't much since my stolen laptop had everything on it] after reading the day's topic and stumbled upon a folder I don't remember uploading.

There were a bunch of pictures I had taken in the summer of 2011 when J was home for his R&R. He had left to visit some friends and I opted to stay behind to let him have guy time. I randomly started fiddling with my camera and these are some of the results.

Right off the bat I noticed that I was in lounge wear with absolutely no makeup on. Not one thing. And as proof you can see my acne scars on my chin, forehead, and both my cheeks. I've struggled with acne a very, very long time. But what's worse are all the markings they leave behind. Because of this I have grown increasingly self conscious of my face and refuse to go anywhere without makeup on. For me that means foundation and powder, not necessarily full blown makeup[because I'm not girly enough to do anything else].

When I first found these pictures I wondered why in the hell I even took them to begin with. Was I really that bored? Did I honestly think I looked good? But after looking at them for a couple of minutes, I realized I did look good. Not great, but actually kinda pretty bare faced. I started to smile because coming from me that's a really big deal. I'm my worst critic. I have always been hard on myself about my face, jealous of those with flawless skin who don't even need to purchase makeup. Lucky bitches. 

It came at a perfect time because for the past two weeks I have opted to stop using any makeup at all. I don't know if it's my new face wash or the spontaneous spottings from Mother Nature, but my face is horribly broken out right now. J told me to boycott everything and see what happens. He ridiculously thinks I look better without makeup anyway. Yeah, I'm so sure. But for once I thought about it. Little Dino doesn't care what I look like, I'm in a house all day, and my face could use a break.

I am so proud of myself.

I've even gone to the post office, Wal Mart, school- all without makeup! At first I was sooooo hesitant, but now it's kind of liberating. Plus I have more free time in the mornings. Score.

Hopefully I can find a solution to my skin. Yes, I have tried everything, even Proactiv. Trust me when I say I'm desperate and will take any advice anyone has to offer. I'm comfortable right now, but I don't want to be this way forever. Why am I breaking out more as an adult than a teenager? Somebody must have an answer.

And for Whitney's Backthatazzup Friday- Drumroll please.....

Katy Perry,
Cause she's mah bitch

Cause it's Friday, duh

Linking up here and here

Skinny Doesn't Mean Happy

Day 16- Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

This is a touchy subject to write about, but lately I've been writing more things about my feelings on subjects that mean something, so I thought it would only be fitting.

Nobody's body is perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect body. "Fat" does not mean you are ugly and "skinny" does not mean you are beautiful. Everyone struggles with their body image and it is not likely to change. We're all born different and we have no control over that.

Why am I talking about this? Because not only have I seen countless posts about this topic over the past couple of weeks [and it hurts my heart] but I am currently going through this as well. Not specifically just right now, but I've dealt with these issues throughout my entire life.

I'm growing very tired of defending my body. To what I eat, if I exercise, what I wear, how I present myself- you don't know me or my body. And I don't like that you think you do. When I hear comments such as "shut up, you're so skinny" or "will you just eat something already" it seriously frustrates me because you don't know what I go through, what anyone goes through.

Most people get mad when I say things like this because "you have no right to complain when you are that skinny". Not fair. If you mean that I am not wide and I have a fairly flat stomach then yes, I am skinny. But I am not proportionate. My mother is Mexican and we are born with extremely wide hips. My bottom half is significantly larger than my top half, and I can't stand it. So much so that I haven't worn a bikini without shorts since I was 11.

This makes me very self conscious, especially when I wear dresses. It just stands out wayyyy more. Hourglass figure? I think not. I have trouble finding pants that fit correctly because I have to be able to slide them over my massive thighs, but then they are loose because of my tiny ass. I HATE pants shopping. I finally had to do it over winter break because the pants I bought when I was 16 ripped. It took me 5 hours and countless stores to find three pairs of jeans.

And then there are my stretch marks. Yeah, I have those. They're located on my thighs and they are terrible looking. When I was in high school I went to my best friend's house one day [wearing shorts] and her sister asked me if I got scratched by a cat because I had awful marks on my legs. I was immediately self conscious because I knew she was talking about my stretch marks. Reason number two why I wear shorts in water. 

But mostly I hate it because I'm completely out of shape and underweight at the same time. It is just as hard to gain weight as it is to lose weight. I was 98 pounds until I was a freshmen. That's not something to be proud of. Since then I have only managed to be at 108. That's 10 pounds in 8 years. And I'm horrendously frail because of it. I suffer from anemia and have weak bones. If I don't take iron and calcium pills everyday I might get osteoporosis by the time I'm 45. Not to mention I could be at serious risk if I get pregnant. The doctor straight up told me if I don't gain more weight or build up strength I could die during pregnancy by not being able to carry the baby or die while giving birth by losing too much blood and nutrients.

Still think being skinny is awesome?

I've been trying to eat as much protein and fiber I can get my hands on, even purchasing whey protein powder from body building websites to bulk up in some way. The last two days I've been struggling at the gym, so sore I think I pulled a muscle in my arm and now I can barely lift it. When I was on the treadmill I could literally feel my ass jiggling up and down as I ran. These are not good feelings.

So you see, being "skinny" doesn't necessarily mean being this perfect, slender person with absolutely no body fat and just the right amount of curves. I've come across people who are much tinier than me or much skinnier and they weigh more than I do. It all depends on where their body stores their fat. I think mine is all in my ass and thighs, and I'm working on that. But mostly I'm working on it to be healthy. I know most people say that as a way to not sound like a jerk for wanting to be skinny, but I'm literally doing it to keep my body functioning properly.

So next time you feel like making a snarky funny comment to someone, remember that you don't know what they've been through and what's really going on underneath those clothes. Be sensitive and treat others like you would want to be treated. Because weight is not a funny issue. We joke about it but deep down we are all insecure.

Cup of Love

1 comment
Day 15 was to be about a day in your life. I kinda already exposed that on Day 9 so I decided to write about something else.

Every year since I was about 12 I made my mother epic presents for Mother's Day and her birthday. I saved up every penny to get her a ring in 8th grade. I've made her giant cards, a poster with pictures of her and me since I was a baby, drawings of her favorite things, and other shit that's been bulking up her apartment.

you can credit the crappy photo to my mother btw

 Ten years down the road I've found I can no longer top myself and was wondering what the hell to do this year. Low on funds and on the other side of the country, I turned to Pinterest to help me. Thank god for that site, it has saved my life in more ways than one. Is that sad to say? Eh, I doubt it. I assume most people feel this way.

I chose to make my mother and MIL a customized sharpie mug. And fyi- it's a lot harder to draw on something other than paper. So don't get too elaborate- trust. I altered the directions a little to ensure that the designs would last. I should note that neither of my mothers live in this century, so I used regular sharpies since they don't use dishwashers. To make one that is dishwasher safe, use oil based sharpie markers instead of the regular ones which are water based [that's why they wash right off]

Step One
Pick your design and draw on your mug
[It's ok if you mess up. I wiped mine plenty of times]

My MIL's mug
Says "Bloom Where you are Planted"
Designed after this picture

You're never satisfied with your first one. I thought it looked too crowded and like a 4th grader had drawn it

My mother's mug
"The Steps of Faith Fall on Seeming Air
but find the Rock Beneath"
I also included the constellation of her zodiac sign, Sagittarius, along with it's symbol

Step Two
Place mugs on baking sheet and put in oven
Set oven to 350 after the mugs are inside, so they get gradually hot along with it
Bake for 30 minutes

Step Three
Keep the mugs inside the oven while it cools down
[about 15 minutes]

That's it! You now have a custom desgined cup for yourself or others. Cheap, fun, and meaningful.
Awesome, right?

Linking up here

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