A Cheetah Amongst Humans

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Happy Hump Day!

Linking up with Kate and Tami for a new kind of truth...
the truth about your body!


And I'd like to take the time today to talk about something very disturbing that gets commented on daily...
....
.......
...........

my moles.

These stupid things are ALL OVER MY BODY!!!
When I say all over my bodeh [John Mayer haha] I truly mean all over. They are literally everywhere.
You know you just thought dirty.
But you would be right.
They are in fact on my ass, my chesticles, and my uhh...downstairs area.
But we won't be highlighting those areas today.
No, no.

The most noticeable area they live on is my neck. Which sucks cause I like to be lazy and throw my hair in a bun. Grr.


Look at that clusterfuck of spots. I swear I was a cheetah in a past life. Dalmatian you say? Nah, I was a muthafuggin cheetah in the wild baby! That is the only thing that can explain what I am about to show you...

Look at that side view. He's thinkin "uhh, what's that on your neck, auntie?"


The doctors never fail to bring it up on every effing visit. Every one.
Do you have a rash?
Are those hickies on your neck you whore?
[my mother has actually asked me that one as well. thanks mom. you know your daughter so well]
Is that cancer on your neck?
How many days left do you have to live?
Got the HIV?

That shit goes on and on

Close up shall we?

Thankfully it actually took me a minute or eight to find pictures that showcased those bastards.
I've gotten good at hiding them.

But that, unfortunately, is not even the half of it.


Smack dab in the middle of the BOTTOM of my foot!
[disregard my man-ish foot]
Most people get oddly weirded out when they see this
I call him the lone ranger...

THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, PEOPLE!


...they make appearances on my ears...


...and have group meetings on my back

Sometimes people play connect the dots with them. Not even kidding on that one.
My husband insists that there is a secret treasure map encoded on my body.
I just wish I could take an eraser and wipe them all away.
Damn spots.












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5 comments

  1. LOL. This post cracked me up! I don't even think they look that noticeable in the pictures. And hey, they're one of those cool things that make you you! Thanks for linking up :)

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  2. I have a bajillion freckles everywhere, so I feel your pain! And the ones on my neck always make people ask about hickies and rashes. Whatever!

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  3. i'm glad you're spotted, too. it makes me feel like less of a freak. but seriously, if i had all the money in the world i would get them removed..also, i'm pretty certain one of te ones on my tummy is in, in fact, cancer. so that's cool..

    thanks for joining the link up!

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  4. spots on spots on spots! good thing they are cute and not awkward looking :)

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  5. I have moles everywhere too, I hate it. I actually started getting some of them removed by a plastic surgeon, expensive tho!

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