Get Your Butt off the Couch

Day 8- a piece of advice you have for others

I'm gonna start off by saying get off your tushy and be active. Don't worry, I need to take this advice too. You see, I had a sudden realization with truth on Monday and it made me very disappointed in myself. And sad. Like I need ice cream sad.

I was home for maybe 5 minutes with Milo on my lap about to do homework when J walked in the door. He announced we were to go to the gym and I was not having it. I just got home, I'm tired and sore, and fuck the gym.  We'll go tomorrow.

After a lot of bitching and some snarky comments from J, I finally gave in. I had been meaning to go sign up on his membership at the local athletic club and I guess now is as good as ever to do so. I hadn't been in months due to never having time and my neck injury and decided to start going everyday after work. 

Just pulling up to the parking lot made me rethink my decision. It was jam packed. We had to circle around twice and finally park in the gravel. This was going to be more than I anticipated. Once I walked in, I knew I was out of place. I had just thrown on some yoga pants and running shoes and called it a day. These people were hard core serious about this shit. The place was huge and had so many different rooms and a shit ton of equipment. We started in a giant movie room where you run in the dark while watching a movie on a giant screen, like a mini- theater. It was kinda nice since I couldn't see anyone. And better- they couldn't see me. I ran about 2 minutes and then power walked the rest. Anyone that knows me at all shouldn't be surprised that I hate treadmills with a fiery burning passion. And J was running a mile a minute making me feel like a jackass.

We then proceeded to the weight and machine room. My anxiety immediately kicked in. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. I don't do crowds. Specifically in tiny rooms packed with crazy machines that look like they'll hurt me as soon as I touch them. I was NOT going to stay in this room. I had to get out. Then J spotted someone he knew from work. Great, all I need right now is a first introduction looking like a hot mess while feeling like I might freak out any second.

I went to a more open area to go on an elliptical. J was upset because he wanted to be in charge of me, making me do what he does. Apparently I was his private for the day. I tried telling him I couldn't be there. That it was too much for me to handle and I needed to escape to keep my sanity. He just didn't understand and let me go. Later on I sat and I waited for him to finish his workout. I wasn't about to go looking for him in that effing room.

He went to sign me up when I told him no. He didn't question me in public, just walked away. Outside walking to the car I tried explaining there was no way in hell I could go there every single day. That he'd be paying money for nothing and I wouldn't get a legitimate workout in. I was so sad because I really wanna go, I just can't deal with people. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm being a baby. But still. I can't do it. Too small a space with machines I don't understand and a crap load of people staring at me trying to figure things out. No thanks.

You see, there is only one main gym in town. The local athletic club. There are smaller gyms on base, but now that we've moved they are too far, and the athletic club is literally down the street from the new house. The gym on base is free, [for military] it's big and open, hardly anyone is there, and I feel comfortable using the machines. Now it's on the opposite side of town. 

When we first moved to Tennessee I didn't work for 6 months. I look back and wonder what the fuck was I doing that whole time? I could've taken advantage of all that precious time to get up every morning and work out with no one around. To actually be in the place I want to be in, to be tone and fit and healthy. To feel great about myself. Now I work all the time. And the only time I have is at the end of the day when everyone  goes. I immediately regretted all the time I've wasted doing god knows what. I can't get that time back, and I wish I could. I can't afford to not work at this point in time, in fact we need money more than ever now. I don't know what to do, and it's starting to stress me out. Just thinking of that gym stresses me out. Fuck, I hate having anxiety.

Moral of the story- don't waste time. If you want to be active, if you want to start running or going to the gym or whatever it is you want to do, do it. And do it now. Because you will not get that time back.

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  1. Awesome advice dear! I have been telling Adam I want to get in better shape and I know he would like me to as well but I'm on the same boat as you when it comes to not wanting to be in a small room with intimidating machines. Adam has been great though and has just been going on walks with me each night with the dogs. We are looking into buying an elliptical for the house now too because I can't bear going to the gym. It's expensive and we don't have a lot of extra room but I'm afraid that is the only way I'll feel comfortable getting a good workout. That dark room with the movie screen sounds awesome though!

  2. I agree. I make myself be active at least twice a week, but I used to be active (only a year ago) 6 days a week for 2 hours each day. That was overkill and I burned out after a year of doing that.

    Thanks for this reminder.

    I do not like crowds and abhor the gym because of that. Not my scene. Crowds are just... too much and I wind up feeling exhausted from the social interaction.

  3. Thank yo for posting this and being so open and honest!!!
    This post meant a lot to me because i am overweight due to laziness and poly cystic ovarian syndrome. & i have been off work for over a year, HAD PLENTY of time to get into shape and a routine of working out. I hope you find some motivation to do something you will feel better!! Do you have space in your home to do something so you dont have to be around people? Good luck girl!


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