Just Because...I'm Not the Popular Kid

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Blogging has changed me into a different person. I went from being a normal human being doing daily things to instantly waking up and reading blogs to catch up on everyone's life. I feel like I'm missing something if I don't check daily. Stalker much? We all are.

And then I feel like a failure if I forget to blog one day. Like I'm not keeping up with the Jones' or something. At first I was naive and innocent. I didn't know what I was getting myself into [I still don't, actually] and I told myself that I was blogging for me. It was to be like an online diary and scrapbook of my life since I moved away from everyone I knew and loved and there was so much going on.

Then I stumbled upon the blogging community. Not realizing there was a whole other cyber world out there that thousands of people were apart of. I instantly wanted in. It became high school all over again. Except in high school I honestly didn't give a shit what other people thought. I knew almost the entire school from being super awesome and being the editor of the yearbook but I was only close with certain people. Sure it felt nice when people said hi [and I honestly had no idea who the hell they were] but it wasn't a big deal to me.

For some reason that has all changed. Even though I'm an adult I crave the attention even more for some reason and I yearn to be apart of things. I have never met any of these people in person and I probably never will, yet I get incredibly sad when I feel like I'm out of the loop.

I've been blogging for a couple of months now and I gotta say, I get blogger envy. At first it was simply "wow, their design and layout is so much prettier than mine". And now it's "aww, they've been blogging shorter than I have and they have more followers". Yes, I will admit that I want followers. Not to be crazy popular or anything, I will never reach Whitney or Kaitlyn status, but to be apart of something bigger.

I love making new friends and that has actually become more important to me than blogging itself. It also fills a void I have by not having many IRL friends due to me moving across the country. It is so hard to make friends as an adult[especially as a female adult] and my husband doesn't understand that the ladies I meet through blogging are more than just some random stranger I read about.

I blog my heart out sometimes and it's not to be liked, it's to feel like maybe someone else out there understands me. That someone might be going through what I am and we're not so alone after all. To get feedback on something you may be unsure of, to hear other people's opinions, to feel supported. The blogging world is amazing like that, and I want in.

So yes, I get jealous. What are other bloggers doing that I'm not doing? Do I need to get more involved in something? If so, what?

When I see someone has doubled their followers in like 2 weeks I think "How am I still at the bottom of the barrel?" "How come I'm not cool like that?" "Do people not like me?" My mind goes to bad places. Even now I think that no one is reading this and this entire post was a complete waste of time. Maybe I should stop. If no one cares then what's the point. I know that sounds dramatic, but if no one cares what I have to say and I care deeply on what others have to say, where do I go from here?

Looking for advice from anyone out there willing to stop by and actually give me some. I'm currently going through a blog face lift. I'm getting the lovely Lisette to revamp my blog so I can have a legit design and an actual button to start promoting myself. Hopefully that'll work.

Thanks for listening, whoever you are.


I will leave you with a picture of a cute sleeping kitten. 
This is the only time she's cute. She's honestly a real beyotch






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5 comments

  1. Well, I kinda think the same thing sometimes, and then I think, "I'm happy with the few people in all the world who randomly found me and decided to follow me.

    I love your new layout, btw. The colors are so pretty.

    It will happen. Most people get followers from sponsoring and being sponsored. That's not really what I'm in this for, so I figure I will get a small following, slow and steady.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, for starters I read every word from beginning to end. I feel the same way sometimes too - how can people really want to read what I have to say! When I had just 10 followers I was as excited as I am not with 40 followers. Keep writing and do what makes you happy, that is all that really matters in the end. And remember just because someone has 100 followers doesn't mean that 100 people are actually reading their blog everyday/cares about what they have to say.

    I am reading your blog through a reader app on my ipad right now but can't wait to check out the new design next time I'm on the computer!

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  3. I feel the same way. (And I totally had Lisette design my blog, too, and she's amazing.)

    I think I'm lazy about my blog and I don't want to put in the massive amount of work it requires. But still. It's really hard to watch people form relationships faster than you did or gain 500 followers in the time it took you to gain 10.

    But you do definitely have readers! Even if you don't have hundreds of followers.

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  4. I am one of your readers, i always read your posts! :) So hope that helps a little!

    A good giveaway helped my blog out and then I co-hosted a Thirsty Thursday Link up and co-hosted a Friend Connect Blog Hop. and now i have followers galore! Its nice :)

    It might sound crazy, but do you have a blogger budget? I spend money(not alot) to have bigger bloggers advertise my blog button on their page, give shout outs on their blog or IG or twitter. It helps, it'll come I promise :) Email me with ANY questions, I will help!

    Do you have twitter and instagram? Those help. Just gotta get your blog out there :)

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  5. Keep chugging along! It helps to swap buttons with other bloggers, and commenting (I need to do more of that!). Also, tweeting has helped me form friendships faster than reading blogs. You'll get there!

    P.S. currently working on some header samples for you! ;)

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