Skinny Doesn't Mean Happy

4 comments
Day 16- Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

This is a touchy subject to write about, but lately I've been writing more things about my feelings on subjects that mean something, so I thought it would only be fitting.

Nobody's body is perfect because there is no such thing as a perfect body. "Fat" does not mean you are ugly and "skinny" does not mean you are beautiful. Everyone struggles with their body image and it is not likely to change. We're all born different and we have no control over that.



Why am I talking about this? Because not only have I seen countless posts about this topic over the past couple of weeks [and it hurts my heart] but I am currently going through this as well. Not specifically just right now, but I've dealt with these issues throughout my entire life.

I'm growing very tired of defending my body. To what I eat, if I exercise, what I wear, how I present myself- you don't know me or my body. And I don't like that you think you do. When I hear comments such as "shut up, you're so skinny" or "will you just eat something already" it seriously frustrates me because you don't know what I go through, what anyone goes through.

Most people get mad when I say things like this because "you have no right to complain when you are that skinny". Not fair. If you mean that I am not wide and I have a fairly flat stomach then yes, I am skinny. But I am not proportionate. My mother is Mexican and we are born with extremely wide hips. My bottom half is significantly larger than my top half, and I can't stand it. So much so that I haven't worn a bikini without shorts since I was 11.

This makes me very self conscious, especially when I wear dresses. It just stands out wayyyy more. Hourglass figure? I think not. I have trouble finding pants that fit correctly because I have to be able to slide them over my massive thighs, but then they are loose because of my tiny ass. I HATE pants shopping. I finally had to do it over winter break because the pants I bought when I was 16 ripped. It took me 5 hours and countless stores to find three pairs of jeans.

And then there are my stretch marks. Yeah, I have those. They're located on my thighs and they are terrible looking. When I was in high school I went to my best friend's house one day [wearing shorts] and her sister asked me if I got scratched by a cat because I had awful marks on my legs. I was immediately self conscious because I knew she was talking about my stretch marks. Reason number two why I wear shorts in water. 

But mostly I hate it because I'm completely out of shape and underweight at the same time. It is just as hard to gain weight as it is to lose weight. I was 98 pounds until I was a freshmen. That's not something to be proud of. Since then I have only managed to be at 108. That's 10 pounds in 8 years. And I'm horrendously frail because of it. I suffer from anemia and have weak bones. If I don't take iron and calcium pills everyday I might get osteoporosis by the time I'm 45. Not to mention I could be at serious risk if I get pregnant. The doctor straight up told me if I don't gain more weight or build up strength I could die during pregnancy by not being able to carry the baby or die while giving birth by losing too much blood and nutrients.

Still think being skinny is awesome?

I've been trying to eat as much protein and fiber I can get my hands on, even purchasing whey protein powder from body building websites to bulk up in some way. The last two days I've been struggling at the gym, so sore I think I pulled a muscle in my arm and now I can barely lift it. When I was on the treadmill I could literally feel my ass jiggling up and down as I ran. These are not good feelings.



So you see, being "skinny" doesn't necessarily mean being this perfect, slender person with absolutely no body fat and just the right amount of curves. I've come across people who are much tinier than me or much skinnier and they weigh more than I do. It all depends on where their body stores their fat. I think mine is all in my ass and thighs, and I'm working on that. But mostly I'm working on it to be healthy. I know most people say that as a way to not sound like a jerk for wanting to be skinny, but I'm literally doing it to keep my body functioning properly.

So next time you feel like making a snarky funny comment to someone, remember that you don't know what they've been through and what's really going on underneath those clothes. Be sensitive and treat others like you would want to be treated. Because weight is not a funny issue. We joke about it but deep down we are all insecure.



SHARE:
Next PostNewer Post Previous PostOlder Post Home

4 comments

  1. Great post.

    Coming to acceptance is key and realizing that things are not as rosy on the other side.

    People who don't like being bigger think skinny is awesome and people who can't gain weight have their own set of problems (like you've been so honest to talk about.)

    I've seen BOTH sides. I am naturally thicker with full chests and kinda thick torso. I lost a ton of weight last year because I was hardly eating anything and running all the time to try to stay thin and get ready for races. I was not happy. I wasn't eating. I was always cold. It wasn't fun. And people would always tell me, "Why don't you eat? You're so thin, it doesn't matter what you eat!" Hahaha.

    And then I gained weight because I got tired of not eating and ALWAYS running and people started asking me what happened or started "blaming it" on my being in a happy relationship.

    Whatever. As long as we are health and happy- heck even if we're not- it's really no one's business.

    I think, when you are thin, people feel free to say more things about your body because being thin is rarely as taboo as being a little thick.

    We all need to mind our own business. When we do speak out of love, we need to be more tactful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bravo dear!! I have the exact same problem with the hips so I can sympathize there. Adam has a similar problem with not being able to gain weight either. He eats and eats and over the last few years has only put on a few pounds. But most of all, I think as women we need to support each other. Why do women feel the need to tear others down or assume how others are feeling. I'm not saying I don't do it from time to time but I try to be aware of what I am saying and know that just because someone looks skinny doesn't mean they are healthy. And, on the flip side, just because someone seems heavier doesn't mean they don't get up every morning and run and eat well. Well, that was a long winded comment - really all I needed to say was thank you for sharing your thoughts and putting that out there :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is such a powerful post!! Every single word you have written hits my heart! I couldn't agree with everything you say more. I always complain about my big arms, no matter how skinny I get, my arms are big. My friends always tell me I'm not allowed to complain about something so silly, but everybody struggles. I agree that we have to love ourselves because we'll always find something else to complain about. Beautiful post! New follower! xo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I couldn't agree more! I'm tired of people judging me b/c I'm slender. People don't think it happens but it does! I can't tell you how many times people have insinuated that I am anorexic b/c I'm skinny. Or after they see me eat joke that I'm bulimic. It hurts my feelings. But b/c I am skinny people just think I should take the comments in stride.

    ReplyDelete

I absolutely love hearing from you lovelies! It makes my heart flutter knowing I am loved so expect a reply!

BLOG TEMPLATE CREATED BY pipdig