Bye Bye, Beautiful

A sad thing happened yesterday. I got rid of my car. My baby, my dream car. It was heartbreaking. Last month when I lost my job J came to me and said very soft yet seriously that we had to let it go. I didn't want to listen but deep down I knew he was right.
This is just one of the many things on the list of my troubles, but it was very high up on the list. The reality of it was that I could no longer afford the $450 a month payment with no income and J has enough bills on his plate. I had stated the other day that there were many things making me cry lately, and this was no exception. It set in and felt real to me once I saw J looking at used cars online. I immediately got hurt, devastated, and angry all at once. I didn't want to give it up, thought it could be easily fixed and that this was just a freak-panic-thing that would quickly go away. Then one day J came home and asked me if I would be able to pay the difference when we sold it. I completely lost it.
I started to tear up on the couch with Milo in my lap. I went to the boys' room to put him back and just broke down on the floor while Milo lay next to me. I could not believe this was happening to me. To go from that to a piece of shit car. At first it sounds very materialistic, at least to my mother it did. But understand where I'm coming from. That was my dream car, I learned how to drive stick for that car. I was so proud of myself for not only accomplishing that, but for paying for it myself and having a sexy car to call my own for once in my life [I drove my mother's '88 toyota truck in high school]. Then to lose my job and not be able to keep the one thing I worked hard for. I felt so helpless and pathetic, the thought that I couldn't even take care of myself. To have to lose something and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. And on top of all that- to have to basically pay to get rid of my car. I owed more than it was worth by now, and to have to cough up $2,000 of my hard earned savings that is supposed to be going to my future wedding, that shit tore me up like you wouldn't believe. 
The moment I spotted it at the dealership. I had to have it.
The stuffed coon I made for J on the shifter driving it home.

As much as it pained me to let it go, and believe me, I practically cried the entire time, there was no other choice for me to make. I had to come to terms with it. On Saturday night I finally sucked it up and started looking at cars on my laptop. I had procrastinated in doing so because I was in denial, but we had to get rid of it by the 30th to avoid another car payment. I told myself that no matter what, I was getting rid of it on Sunday. We went to Nashville where the only Carmax is located to get it appraised.

It's last day in my driveway

That car is a 2013 Scion tC, limited release series. There was only 2,000 made and in a color specifically for that car. It was worth $23k when I bought it and I still owed about 21. I understood that I would lose a little bit of money on it, but Carmax was on fucking crack when they made me their offer. I'm not the average female who gets taken advantage of because they don't know cars. The lowest offer I received was $18k, and Carmax offered me 14. FOURTEEN! That's how much I traded in my Mazda to get the damn car! I was not about to be lowballed and lose out on $9k. They could suck on my balls. We immediately booked it before they tried to be any more arrogant and get slapped in the face by yours truly.

I did like that tree, though

We headed about 10 minutes down the road to a Nissan dealership to check out an '07 Spectra we saw online the night before. It was old and yellow but it only had 35k miles on it which is rare as fuck. Turns out a man called the day before to make an appointment and had driven all the way from Huntsville, Alabama- which is 3 hours away- to see the car. Once he knew we were there he immediately bought it and we were stuck panicking on our next move. As if out of a daydream sequence they came out and said they had a white 2012 model that they didn't even knew they had hidden in the back of their shop. That baby had never been owned, and was just completely forgotten about by the dealership. It wasn't new, but it wasn't technically old either. We were in luck and they actually gave me 19k for my car.

New car/ old car :(

I know perfectly well it's a very nice, cute little car, and that I am lucky to be driving something so new. That I should be grateful that it's not like I got stuck with an old clunker. But like I said, this was never about materialistic tendencies, it was about giving up my dream car and doing nothing to prevent it. It really sucks to go through something so helplessly, to have no control over the outcome no matter how bad you want to change things. I'm glad I have a nice car, but I'll never get over losing my car. Getting rid of something by choice and by force are two completely different things and I hope none of you ever have to endure that kind of situation. 

Happy fucking Monday.

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  1. I'm SO sorry you had to go through that. I totally get where you're coming from -- it's not completely materialistic; it's just that you worked so hard for something and now you have to get rid of it. Ugh. But you did definitely get lucky with your new (old) car. And thanks for the shout-out in Friday's post!

  2. Im sorry you had to give up your dream car. Life completely sucks sometimes. Hugs.

  3. Bummer, doll. I'm so sorry. I've never had a situation quite like this, but I am building my savings one painstaking penny at a time and I can imagine what it would feel like to lost that, it would blow. Hope your week turns up and your Monday is less than awful.

  4. Life is so unfair, I'm sorry you had such a horrible weekend.

  5. oh, that sucks large!!! but at least you got something nice (not as nice as good ol' red) but something that works and isn't a piece of shit. hope things turn up soon!

  6. I'm really sorry you were in that position. It sucks having to sacrifice something you worked so hard for. But who knows? Maybe one day you will have your dream car back :)

  7. that sucks you had to be in that situation and give away something you worked so hard for! I would feel exactly the same way you are! I hope time will heal all and you'll love your present car! Sorry girly. xoxo

  8. You're so beyond my soulmate--- my baby is a 1988 Toyota Pick Up. I'll let you drive it when you come home since you can drive stick. And i'm so so saaaad about your TC :( I'm sorry.


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