Facebook Whore

I am not tech savvy in the slightest. For serious.

I will probably never have a Twitter, I don't know how someone let me have my own blog, and if it weren't for Google, I'd really have no business even having internet on my phone. Wanna hear somethin cray cray? I didn't even have a smartphone until J got one from T Mobile and I stole it to see what the fuss was about. This was at the end of 2011. I honestly didn't see the need in having a giant thing in my pocket that I couldn't even press a button or slide my phone 'click' when I was pissed and wanted to angrily hang up on a bitch. So yeah, technology and Megan don't mix. It's like Vodka and Four Loko. Sometimes it's awesome, sometimes it's horrible, and sometimes you don't know what the fuck you were thinking and end up throwing up all over your new carpet five feet away from your toilet. You just never know, people.

Back to the topic.

I only got a Myspace because a friend made it for me junior year. Yeah, I jumped on it pretty late. I only got a Facebook because a friend made it for me, in 2011. Yeah, that late. What's the point in being my friend if you can't text a bitch and say wassup? 

So I barely use this thing. I maybe update my status once every other day, once a day if I'm feelin frisky. Sometimes people think I died because I'm no where to be found. It's cool, I'm still here reading your bullshit excuse of a status or the eleventy- billionth photo of your meal/baby/dog/face. To me, if the quote isn't so awesome it must be said, then don't say it.

I could care less about the fact that you're 'drinking chocolate milk' and I wouldn't even be able to come up with 2 fucks to give about how you're preparing dinner if I searched all the pockets of every pair of jeans I own. I would not find a single fuck in those things. Some people's so-called 'statuses' are so mundane I feel like I'm losing IQ points just reading them. And the spelling errors- sweet jesus. Don't even get me started on the girls who upload picture after picture after picture, update their status every fifteen goddamn minutes, or bombard my news feed by posting 18 memes, 7 quotes, and 5 shares of nutrition information telling me I need to eat more spinach.

God help the world.

So as you can see, I loathe social media with a fiery burning passion and have to convince myself on a daily basis not to delete my friends and family due to their consistent stupidity. Yes, even my mother falls victim to these things. The only way to take my frustration out is to tell J just how ignorant the people I call my friends are. Do I sound like a snarky bitch? Probably. But I digress. People are dumb. Fact.

Moving on.

Like I said, I barely make myself known. If that little green dot next to my name didn't pop up letting the online world know I was there they all probably would think I had died. OR YOU COULD JUST TEXT ME BITCHES! Just sayin, phone is always within two feet of me.

Well something bonkers happened yesterday- I managed to post my random lovelies every two hours.[you see what I did there?] You read that right- the girl who barely posts 4 times a week updated her shit FIVE TIMES in one day. That doesn't sound like much to the average tweeter like Sami or Whit, but to me that's way too much in a span of ten hours. Am I becoming a Facebook whore? Is this just the beginning? Will it get worse and I start telling people I'm folding laundry or stopping by Taco Bell before school? Shit.

Meanwhile, take a gander at my shenanigans:

Status 1- This got shared, awesome. I actually did it, too. It was not the first thing I wanted to see when I woke up on my day off.
Megalin D
Was scrolling down my news feed when I came across a woman hating on The Big Bang Theory. So I clicked 'unfriend'.

I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
Status 2- I had just read Erin's post and got really upset about this nonsense. No bueno.
Megalin D
Pumpkin Spice is taking over my life.
I understand the lattes and the coffee creamer. Even the candles and whatnot.
But waffles, marshmallows, butter, pringles, m&ms?
Now you're just going too far.

Get outta my life Pumpkin Spice!
Fall is reserved for cute boots and scarves!
Status 3- I can never help myself with this store. In my defense, I walked away empty handed. Win.
Megalin D
Oh the temptations! I should probably see what I have at home before I buy more crap. — at Hobby Lobby.
Status 4- This was seriously weirding me out since I went to one after the other. Apparently rings don't work with guys or girls. Cray.
Megalin D
Got hit on at Target AND the bookstore.
Lotta lesbians be wantin a piece of this.
Status 5- I was wearing a pretty dress, sue me.
Megalin D
Tribal print! Boom

In conclusion, don't be a media whore. 
That is all.

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  1. Oh girrrrl you're getting sucked into the social media frenzy! but seriously, GET TWITTER. I don't even use Facebook anymore because it's so annoying!

  2. I saw you on that all day yesterday and was like DANG this girl is all up on FB's business and we aren't even texting. lol. But I think I did like every status of yours...

    One thing we're opposite in. I'm obsessed with social media, but I don't actually post statuses THAT MUCH. Mostly things. Back in the day though (pre 21 life) I used to post song lyrics and the times I worked every day almost religiously. I was also crazy back then (shh I'm still crazy) but, fb was different and I didn't have as many friends lol. End ramble.

  3. Ah! Not enough words to say how much I loathe Facebook. People just show their ignorance and stupidity on it for real. I love me some Twitter though. Not gonna lie. I laughed at all of your FB statuses. I FREAKING LOVE HOBBY LOBBY! Literally my favorite store. Mhm.

  4. Haha I can get annoyed as much as the next person, but I choose not to waste my energy on being upset about it. Perhaps you should delete your Facebook before you pop a blood vessel ;)


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