Food Adventures: Fatties at the Fair

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Her face kills me. Beesh thinks she got away with stealing my kettlecorn. Psh. Yeah right.

There is something you need to know about me and Ali. We are fat asses. Majority of our friendship is based on eating. What we're eating, where we're eating, how much we're eating. We have no shame. And when we found out that it was going to be Two Dollar Tuesday at the fair, we nearly shit our pants from excitement. I haven't been to a state fair in over a decade. Fair food is bae. I was already looking forward to going but you bet your mama's sweet ass once I heard the news of glorious food at cheap prices my non-existent butt ran to the bank and took out some serious cash flow.

We. Ate. So. Much.

And by we I mean me. Because pictures don't lie. Obviously I am the smaller one of the two, but believe me when I say I eat about three times as much than majority of people. I am always hungry. Fat kid problems. Even typing this I'm munching on potato chips.

My main goal was to eat one of everything. But my mind just kept saying 'turkey leg'. The day was hot and humid as shit so the thing I consumed the most was freshly squeezed lemonade. God only knows I must have spent a fortune on that sweet beverage alone. Ice cream, pretzels, nachos, french fries, random deep-fried shit you can only get in the south- you name it, we ate it. Pretty sure I walked away from that fair with diabeetus. Worth it.

You'll notice the random markings on my shirt throughout the pictures. After about 10 minutes of walking I quickly realized although I was not wearing much it was still not gonna cut it. So every half hour or so I'd pour water down my shirt to prevent overheating and the inevitable boob river from flowing. Did it look like I peed my pants? Yes. Did I give a shit? Not at all.

Ali got to experience her her hometown fair, the baby got to pet a bunch of farm animals, and I got to stuff my face. Twas a good time. After 4 hours we were ready to bow out. Proud of little mama for lasting that long. We got to-go snacks for each person back at the house and got the hell outta dodge before everyone got off work and school. 

They all got a kick out of watching me pass around everyone's one item and then proceed to sit on the couch with a giant bag full of goodies all to myself. JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD. But seriously, mine.

Now I want a turkey leg. Fack.

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